by Stefanie Small, LCSW, Clinical Director, JFCS Counseling Services
The build-up, media blitz, community attention and city-wide day of commemoration of the shooting at Tree of Life Or L’Simcha is over, and it is November. We have made it through year one, which therapists say is generally the hardest. So what do we do now?
Obviously, one’s state of healing (or not) is individual, and depends on many different factors. For some of us, the commemoration may have provided a sense of perspective and/or closure. Others of us thought we were fine and then it all came flooding back. The trigger of the one-year mark may have stirred up feelings that we still need to address.
Perhaps you still feel jumpy when you hear sirens. Or you still can’t sleep. We may still be feeling either like we should be over it and we’re not, or we are over it and we shouldn’t be.
You may be surprised to hear that what you’re feeling is expected, especially at this time of year. The smells and sounds and sights are the same as last year when the community was in crisis. Constant reminders are all around us: the stars still hang from trees and signs are still in windows. Some people find it harder to heal and grow with the remembrances everywhere.
How to then move forward? How do we find the strength to take our grief and sorrow and begin to transform it into acceptance?
Time will continue to help the sharper feelings fade. But in the meantime, the most important step is to acknowledge what you are feeling. Understand that there are all kinds of ways to address your feelings; you may have to find what works for you.
Therapy is available at JFCS if one-on-one feels best for you. JFCS continues to organize community support groups in conjunction with the 10.27 Healing Partnership and South Hills Jewish Pittsburgh. Alternative methods like reiki and aromatherapy are accessible at the Healing Partnership for those for whom words are not the answer. Meditation, deep breathing, and mindfulness activities can all be helpful.
The Jewish Yahrzeit is still to come, this year occurring over Shabbat November 15-16. Various congregations are conducting different opportunities for memorialization that weekend, which can also help in healing.
Please don’t dismiss or ignore your feelings; you are not alone and opportunities to pursue healing are all around. We have learned from other communities that have experienced mass casualty events that healing timelines are not the same for everyone. People need to grow and become restored when they are ready.
At some point, most of us return to embrace the world again. Perhaps we are forever changed, but not destroyed. Perhaps less naïve, but still believing in the basic good of people, and of our community. We wish that each of you finds that light in your own time in your own way. And JFCS is here to walk with you as long as you need us.