It can be very exhilarating when romantic relationships start to get physical, no matter at what age. But you might also find it confusing and scary as you are testing the waters, trying to set–or reset–your boundaries, or knowing how to navigate what to do and when to do it. . Thinking ahead of time might help mitigate some of those anxieties you may be feeling. What would you feel physically and mentally okay with doing with this person? Is there anything you absolutely want to avoid? Trust yourself in the moment, communicate with your partner, and listen carefully to your partner for their own enthusiastic consent–no matter what you thought they wanted before.
The bottom line and absolute expectation is, enthusiastic consent should be given every time. A “no” means to stop. Silence in the moment also means to stop. Any sort of uncomfortable or non-consensual touching is absolutely not okay. If your partner is relentless about moving forward and proceeds, consider whether this person truly cares about you.
“Whether it’s tea or sex, consent is everything.”
There is a common analogy, called the “cup of tea” analogy, meant to explain and better understand sexual consent in relationships. Check out this video about a cup of tea and how it relates to consent:
Embrace Body Autonomy
If your friends aren’t already talking about it, introduce the idea of body autonomy. One doctor defines this concept as the right for a person to govern what happens to their body without external influence or coercion. This goes for every kind of physical interaction as well as managing one’s own healthcare.
If there’s no consent, then your freedom to choose what happens to your body has been hijacked.
The Law
Sex is a beautiful and healthy thing in consenting, adult relationships, and State laws decide at what age a person is legally capable of consenting to sex. Even if a person initiates sex, and even if the sex is consensual, it might be considered rape and carry significant jail time. For example, in Pennsylvania, people ages 16 years and older can legally consent to sexual activity. Pennsylvania also recognizes that power imbalances in relationships with teachers, coaches, group home supervisors and other authority figures make consent impossible, regardless of age.
Find more information about your state’s laws at the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network.
About JFCS Pittsburgh Youth Services
Jewish Family and Community Services (JFCS) Pittsburgh is committed to supporting youth and young adults achieve their goals and secure a strong future. For more information about education, workforce development, and mental health support services available, please call JFCS Youth Services at (412) 422-7200 or visit www.jfcspgh.org/youth-services.