At JFCS, we have several staff members who are parents working from home, juggling school, meals, and everyday life with kids. We know many of you are in similar situations, and it can be a challenge. We know that not every strategy and technique will work for work for every family, but we wanted to share some advice from our staff members about working from home while parenting. Hopefully you can find some of these words of wisdom helpful and encouraging!
ROUTINES/SCHEDULES
For school-age kids, have a schedule and let them help plan each day. My family’s schedule allows time for school work, free play (which does not involve a parent), family activities (which does involve a parent) outside time, and screen time. Screen time is usually scheduled around my Zoom calls or client meetings because that’s when I really need them to be occupied and unlikely to interrupt me. The schedule is posted in our kitchen along with examples and suggestions of things for each category. This was necessary because otherwise my kids would spend their free play time playing video games or watching YouTube.
For teenagers I think it’s helpful to treat like competent individuals. It’s not necessary to set their schedule for them but definitely be clear about expectations. Their schoolwork needs to be done everyday but let them decide when to do it. If you expect them to get physical activity or be outside everyday, instead of telling them to do so use non-controlling language such as “What’s your plan for exercise today?”
-Erin Barr, LCSW, JFCS Career Development Center
We’ve been trying to be consistent about maintaining certain parts of my son’s routine from before the pandemic like eating at certain times of day and his bedtime routine, which we haven’t wavered from.
-Angelica Miskanin, Psychotherapist, JFCS Counseling Services
Don’t try to make an exact schedule for your child, because it is home, not school. Exact times and rules can make them bored very quickly, which leads them to lose their interest in study. Of course, the morning is a good time to learn, but if they don’t seem willing, leave it for the afternoon or a little at night.
-Oydinoy Nazarova, ISAC Service Coordinator, JFCS Refugee & Immigrant Services
If you have a partner, plan together. My husband and I tag team baby duties throughout the day. If I have a conference call/meeting he takes our son into another room and I do the same for him. Communication is key here. Every morning we discuss our schedule and try to develop a plan.
-Tamara Abney, Employer Relations Specialist, JFCS Career Development Center
SCHOOL WORK
Parents see assignments, and they feel pressure to have their children complete them as soon as they receive the assignment. Being strict is good but focusing on when and how to make them do their assignments is better. Give them a variety of options rather than the same version of doing their tasks. A little dancing or playing outside is great too, but remind them of their duties.
-Oydinoy Nazarova, ISAC Service Coordinator, JFCS Refugee & Immigrant Services
We do our best to keep up with the teachers’ curricula, but keep in mind that the most important thing right now is to give the kids an emotionally supportive environment without a lot of pressure. We are incredibly fortunate that our kids’ teachers are keeping them engaged and stimulated and have adjusted their learning expectations to alleviate pressure.
-Susan Jablow, Grant Writer
When it comes to online schooling, be forgiving and understanding. It’s tough to be a kid right now (we parents rarely see it as hard to be a kid any time!) and online schooling is not everyone’s cup of tea. Let them miss a session or two if they dread it. And for those who thrive on it, try to find some extra virtual classes/tours for them.
-Stefanie Small, Director of Clinical Services
OTHER TASKS & FUN ACTIVITIES
If there are two parents (or adults) in the house, it’s helpful to discuss who will be monitoring the kids and making sure they stay on task. When I’ve been busy with meetings, my husband takes charge of the kids and vice versa. Communicating about everyone’s schedule is challenging, but helps keep things from falling through the cracks, at least most of the time. We are usually able to balance things, but there are some moments of chaos when we’re pulled in too many directions, and we miss something, or the technology isn’t working.
-Susan Jablow, Grant Writer
Make sure you get them out the door at least once a day, at least for a walk around the block. If you can do it with them, even better!
-Stefanie Small, Director of Clinical Services
Rewarding kids for their work is helpful. Evaluate and award their work, even little tasks. And don’t always leave them to do their work on their own. Your participation in this gives them huge progress by helping them feel like they are working with a partner. Otherwise they quickly tire and quit when doing the work alone.
-Oydinoy Nazarova, ISAC Service Coordinator, JFCS Refugee & Immigrant Services
My son has a lot more screen time than usual and also tons of free play, but we also try to get him outside each day to ride his bike around the neighborhood and play “I spy.” My husband often helps him build forts and elaborate train track set-ups in our living room which keeps his little engineer brain engaged.
-Angelica Miskanin, Psychotherapist, JFCS Counseling Services
KIDS’ EMOTIONAL/MENTAL HEALTH
When the work day is over, devote quality time with your family. When we are done, we try to really focus on our child. Playing, reading, mealtime and bath time become critical bonding moments for the entire family.
-Tamara Abney, Employer Relations Specialist, JFCS Career Development Center
Pay closer attention to the happy kids, the ones who might not seem that they need it. There’s a good chance they are hiding it so as not to stress you out. Remind them it’s ok to be angry/sad/irritated at the situation and that it is always ok to share that with you. (Except if you’re hiding from them 😆)
-Stefanie Small, Director of Clinical Services
Get the kids outside to run around. They have lots of energy to burn and can’t burn it in front of a screen. Try to take this extra time as a gift. It is hard and challenging, but they will remember it for the rest of their lives.
-Sarah Welch, Director of JFCS Career Development Center
TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF
Don’t get too down on yourself or too negative. Sometimes, you may not be able to finish all of your work, or you may have to save it for later when your kids are asleep. You may feel like you are not able to keep up with your children. Just try to let it go and refocus for the next day! Many of us in the same situation are facing the same struggles–you are not alone!
-Oydinoy Nazarova, ISAC Service Coordinator, JFCS Refugee & Immigrant Services
The first week of social distancing, I had some very stressful moments where I felt like I was failing at keeping all the balls in the air. It’s important to remember that every transition is a big adjustment and takes time. I realized I was putting too much pressure on myself and my kids and have learned to not worry so much if they are on time for all of their online classes or keep up with all of their assignments.
I try to focus on what we are gaining from this experience, rather than what we are losing. For example, I am fascinated to see my kids becoming more independent and more comfortable using new technologies. They needed a lot of guidance in the beginning, but are more and more able to take responsibility for their own school work, which is wonderful.
-Susan Jablow, Grant Writer
Practice good self care! Allow yourself time to exercise or read or mediate or take a walk by yourself. Even just a few minutes of deep breathing can go a long way. There is a lot of pressure on parents right now and we need to take care of ourselves so we are able to support our kids during this stressful situation. JFCS has lots of great mindfulness and mediation resources. Also included in this is self-compassion. Now is not the time for perfection–we don’t have to fill each hour of our kids’ days with interactive and super creative projects or activities. More screen time or time in front of devices is ok. Be gentle with yourself, don’t compare yourself to other parents. Be confident that you are doing your best at juggling parenting and working from home. And you’re doing a great job at it!!!
-Erin Barr, LCSW, JFCS Career Development Center
WORKING FROM HOME
Working at home with kids in the background is very challenging. My kids seem to always need something right when I am in a meeting. I am fortunate to work for JFCS, where everyone is supportive and understanding, so my coworkers smile and wave at my kids when they pop into the video chats rather than being aggravated. I’ve learned that I get interrupted frequently by the kids in the first half of the day, but am able to have more quiet work time in the afternoon, so I try to do tasks that require less time or concentration in the morning, and save bigger projects for later in the day.
-Susan Jablow, Grant Writer
We hope some of this advice was helpful and maybe gave you a few new ideas. Most of all, we hope that our staff have encouraged any of you who are parents working from home to keep finding what works best for your family and realize that none of us are doing this perfectly!
Need some ideas for activities at home? Check out our article Resources for Parents with Kids at Home.